This is random stuff from my head- welcome to it!

March 11, 2021

If I write a blog and no one reads it, is it like the tree in the forest? Did it fall? Did it make a noise? Well, words make noise in my head, so I guess I’ll write them down. Welcome to the mess that’s in my head.


Check out the super serious face on me------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>>

I have an army green beat-up sweater. It’s an open cardigan. I bought it on sale at Target on March 11th, 2020. It was something I tossed in the cart. You all do it too. But then we were shut down. It used to be fuzzy, like a stuffed animal hugging me. It’s still cozy but well-loved. I will forever associate it with the pandemic, and I don’t know if I’ve ever really worn it in public; I wore the fuck out of it in private. It looks a bit like the one Kurt Cobain used to wear, and I hold onto that shred of coolness from the ’90s as if it justifies the amount of time I’ve spent in this sweater. It's the last thing I bought in the before. 


This sweater helped me format Crushing. Edit Rootstock. Imagine Side Piece. Plot & write Over a Barrel. It’s not that it has special powers; it’s merely that it was the last thing I bought in the before. Before we knew something invisible could force us to be separated from all the things except the immediate. What are our immediate needs? Who’s in my house? Why’s the internet not working? Do we have enough toilet paper? No plans. No long-term goals or term papers. Simply go home and stay there. Fill your time. Find a way to get through it. Have movie nights and do the puzzles. Enjoy sitting 10 feet away from your friends outside. And wishing your Mom a happy birthday virtually. This sweater is from the before, and I don’t know what I’ll do with it in the after.


I thought this would be a funny post about this sweater that my family keeps threatening to burn, but it just made me think as the world opens up again, what’s my place in it now. Does the sweater have a place in my life in the after? But I did have it on yesterday when I got my first dose that will propel me towards the after. I felt the sweater deserved to be there. 


I promise these will be a little more light-hearted in the future, but that’s all flowing through my brain as I avoid rewriting the beginning of Under The Bus. Which I’ve been told is mushy. Wish me luck giving it some sharpening.


Talk soon,

Kelly K


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